I am so pissed at Castrol Edge!  Why?  They came out with a commercial with a Scotsman whacking people with a car's oil dipstick and yelling, "Think with your dipstick, Jimmy!"  The commercial is for synthetic oil, and although I can appreciate the need to have a finely tuned car, I've had it up to HERE with what it has done to my marriage. Here's the commercial:

At first this commercial was hilarious, and I seriously laughed my ass off.  I should have known anything I thought was funny would be ruined by a bet.  You see, my husband for years has wanted to grow a beard.  In my opinion his last attempt at a mustache looked like he was either molting or had a horrible case of mange.  Once again, after that damn commercial came on, he said, "My beard would probably look like that color." 

  

There is no fucking way on God's green earth that I would just let that go.  I was so sick and tired of the beard conversation!  One of the conditions to me accepting his marriage proposal was that he would shave.  I kid you not! And once again, he brings up the beard subject.  So I figured, I'll really kill his last remaining hope of having a beard with a bet. I said,

"If I let you grow a beard, you have to dress up as the Castrol Edge guy for Halloween.  Not only that, but you have to also walk around with the girls trick or treating, and yell 'That's thinkin' with yer dipstick, Jimmy!" at everyone you see.  AND, you have to do it in front of your mother for Halloween too."

Now what I secretly know is that my husband has never dressed up for Halloween since that one time in college.  That was 18 years ago.  He even has a t-shirt with a skull on it that says Drop Dead on the front that he calls a "costume".  This guy never gets into holidays, so I figured I was safe. Then, he asked the question:

"Even my mother?"

"Yes, even in front of your mother." 

Finally, I knew I had him squirming like a little boy who has to use the bathroom.  I used my mother-in-law as the last nail in the beard debate coffin. His mom is quiet and doesn't understand half the things he does.  Plus, she would probably ask questions of who he was supposed tobe, and he'd have to explain it.  She still wouldn't get it, and the cycle would continue.

"And what happens if I decide not to?"

Uh oh.  He was actually thinking this through.  I am horrible at thinking on a moment's notice.  If I had to make a split second decision that would save my life, I'd probably die long before I'd figure out the options. I strained to find something in my brain that would make it sheer torture unpleasant if he backed out at the last minute.  Ah HA!  I had it!

"You'd have to shave, and never grow a beard or any facial hair ever again."

I was so smug.  I knew he'd never agree to that.  Never.  Satisfied, I turned back to my iPhone and checking Twitter updates.  Then, my superficial needs came crashing down around me when I heard:

"Deal!  I'll start looking online for coveralls."

SHIT!!  Now I knew I was going to have to deal with facial hair for a month, maybe longer.  Some people like it, but I don't.  It's just a creepy feeling to be kissed by someone with a mustache.  I didn't like it on boyfriends in high school and I certainly didn't like it in college.  I knew every time he was going to kiss me, I would be grossed out.  But, a bet is a bet, and I don't go back on my word.  For once I'm going to get him to dress up for Halloween!  All in all, he does have a reddish beard that stands out differently from his hair color. It doesn't look that bad on him.

  

But damn you Castrol Edge!  I'm not going to use your product ever!  Do you think I have a lawsuit I could file against them?  I have mental pain and suffering all because of your brilliant and funny annoying commercial...

For those of you who got to my blog because you were looking for Halloween costumes for the Castrol Edge guy, here is a link to their products site where you can actually get the castrol edge hat: http://www.thecastrolstore.com/