I hear so much about how people perform random acts of kindness and the pay-it-forward mentality. [See: http://www.actsofkindness.org ] I understand the purpose of it, but I don’t think “random” is the correct term.  I already do random acts of kindness.  It’s called being considerate and empathetic.  Brushing off the rude experience from a waitress as her having a bad day, feeding someone else’s expired meter, or maybe paying for the person’s coffee behind you in line at the drive through.  I do those things.  I give away items in Webkinz World trading rooms just because I can.  This past week, a woman did the same and gave me an item I’ve been searching for the last year for. To me, those acts are already random.  You never know who you will run into that you can help.  Offering a listening ear to those who need it, helping an elderly woman read a bottle’s label in the pharmacy, or answering a question in a store even though I clearly don’t work there.  That’s random to me, and it’s basic empathy.  

This year, I’m going to do something different.  Acts of kindness that aren't so random.  The problem I’m running into is what I like to call the “reciprocation effect”.  Sort of like having that one person not on your Christmas card list that sends you a card, and you feel you have to send them a card so it doesn’t look like you really didn’t have them on that list.  Being an artist, I create…well…stuff.  I have extra fabric or yarn, I want to make use of it and give what I make away.  Older scrapbook paper and supplies?  I donate it.  Yet, people are constantly feeling they need to return the favor.  I am beginning to feel like I have to be one of those people that ring your doorbell, leave a gift, and run away---like Batman.  Wait, that was a bad example.  

I can’t anonymously donate items I make.  This damn age of terrorism and having to have your name on anything that could resemble a bomb, takes the fun out of just giving or being nice.  I donated a ton (almost literally) of fabric to my daughters’ old school.  I wanted it to be anonymous.  The office staff wouldn’t let me do that.  I had to have my name on it.  Anyone could see through the clear plastic bags that it was fabric and not anthrax and mice infested fuzzy pipe bombs.  They had to know who donated it.  I considered using a fake name, but after the PTO treasurer walked through saying, “Hi, Nicole [So-and-so]! See you at the meeting tomorrow!” I couldn’t exactly lie and have it stick.  It’s sad I want to give and do so much anonymously, yet can’t exactly do just that in this age of wariness unless it’s donating to a food bank.

I am nearing age forty rapidly, and I’m not going to waste one more year, one month, one day, or one second of my life any longer.  The one positive thing I learned from my mother is the power of volunteering.  I have spent most of my life volunteering, and it is a thankless job and that’s how I like it.  I shouldn’t have to be thanked for doing something for others.  I enjoy helping others in any way I can.

So, I’ve decided to practice non-random acts of kindness very soon.  You never know who you are, or what it will be.  Just take the damn gift and like it.  Well, okay, you don’t have to like it, but at least re-gift it if you hate it.  Oh and it’s NOT a bomb for cryin’ out loud!  The package may be suspicious, but that’s only because of the stickers I put on it.

So try non-random, targeted, acts of kindness or “good will”.  You may be surprised how it makes you feel.